ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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