no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
