his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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