i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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