Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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