New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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