remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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