so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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