now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
