I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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