Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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