i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
