careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
