Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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