woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
