do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize