so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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