Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
