after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
