You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
