Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
