Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
