i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
