I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
