PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
