I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
