nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
