I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
