i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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