That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
