she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
