I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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