he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
