im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
