I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it hurts more in the daytime
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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