Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
