I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
