I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
