you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I looked at my own cervix.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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