Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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