He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
