obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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