somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
