I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
