So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
