Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
