I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
