Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
