i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
