I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
