I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
