Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
