Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
