Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
