he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
