Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
