i barfeds in our rink
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
