"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
