I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
