he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
