New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
