you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
