Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
